Journeys with Crystal

Leaves of Gold

2011-09-23T00:08:00.001+01:00

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name..."
I've never been one of those people who has a season they love and a season they "strongly dislike." I love variety and I love the variety of seasons - to me, they are all beautiful. The fresh beauty of spring, the warm beauty of summer, the colourful beauty of Autumn, and the enchanting beauty of a snow-filled winter.
Yet, if I had to choose a favourite, I would have to choose spring. It is the season that I have always thought most resembles my life message, the message I am passionate about others receiving and believing. A message of life, new life and life to the full; of being fully alive and awake; a message of hope, and of promise...
Autumn, though beautiful with all the variety of colours, can be something we dread just a bit, because it represents to us a dying, loss of colour and beauty, the coming of something that can be cold and hard and long at times. Life is not something we would associate with Autumn.

And as we approach Autumn now, I feel my life has entered Autumn in areas, especially as we prepare for saying good-bye to my Mother who will be joining the One she has loved and served for so long. Not so very long ago, I felt in the middle of Spring. There was so much life, anticipation, hope, promise... I feel as though I never even reached Summer, but somehow went from Spring to Autumn, without Summer's fulfillment of Spring's promise.

As I was spending some time with God the other night, He showed me something. And it has forever altered my view of Autumn.
I saw a picture of leaves falling from a bright open heaven - dry leaves, brown leaves, dead leaves. And I heard this verse, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17
I was confused. I sensed these leaves were a gift from the Father. Yet I believe the Father gives gifts of life, so why were they not fresh, green leaves rather than these dry and dead ones? How could dead leaves give life? What use could they possibly have?
And then I felt God's gentle reminder that even in what appears to be dead and useless, there can still be life. Sometimes there are tiny seeds that fall with those leaves and plant themselves in the soil, later to break through and bear fruit. And throughout the cold winter, those "dead" leaves return vital nutrients to the soil, making it more productive; not to mention they provide insulation for the tender roots of young plants and protect many more life forms.
So even though the dry, brown leaves in my life right now appear dead, useless they actually are filled with just as much life and promise as any daffodil or cherry blossom!
I want to learn now how to not just reach out to touch a new spring daffodil or dance in the summer rain or make snow angels in the winter cold, but to throw my arms wide open to catch these falling leaves and embrace the beauty and life they represent; and trust their Creator, that though it may take a while, the promise they hold will one day be beautifully, perfectly fulfilled.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name."
Ps. 103:1

Thoughts On Jesus...

2011-03-12T17:55:00.000Z

There has been a desire stirring within me in recent weeks to know, to really know, Jesus afresh and deeper. To understand afresh what His life on this earth meant, to have a fresh revelation of His blood and the power and freedom found within it, and to grasp anew deep within myself the joy and power of His resurrection.

As Adam cox of 24-7 Prayer states it, to "step out of familiarity and dullness into wonder!"

I want to wonder at Him again, to then and carry that wonder with into all the lives I come into contact with.

So I thought what better time to focus anew on Christ than Lent? :)

The following are thoughts that have been stirred during this first week of Lent.

"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature..." Heb. 1:3a

Wow! This verse is beautiful and powerful to me! Jesus becoming fully human and spending 33 years on this earth was a visual for us to know what God is like. Any questions humanity had up to that point about what God was really like, were answered in the very Person of Jesus Christ! This thought alone I think I could spend weeks pondering, as I read through the gospels and at every account of Jesus' words and actions and think, "That is what God thinks about that. That is how God responds to these situations, that is the kind of love God has."

But I actually want to talk about another aspect of the incarnation of Jesus.

And that is that through His incarnation, He also shows us how to be fully human, the way God created, designed us to be. He models true humanity to us! Any questions humanity had up to that point of how they were to really live life on this earth, any questions we have now, have all been answered fully by the Person of Jesus Christ!

I want to share with you something I read this morning.

"Here at last the glory of humanity is on view. Our assumptions about what it is to be human, what it is to be 'successful,' will be radically different if we take Jesus as our model...

...true humanness expresses itself in commitment to and involvement in our world, not in passionless detachment from it. There are religious traditions that teach us to respond to suffering by detaching ourselves from the world. The less we invest, the less we can lose. The more self-reliant we are, the less power anyone or anything can have over us. The less passion, the more poise. The less we desire, the less we shall be disappointed. The less we love, the less we shall be hurt. And if we had nothing else to go by, we might consider that to be quite good advice. It makes a lot of sense, on the face of it, to achieve a state in which life cannot hurt us.

But if our blueprint of what it is to be human is a Person who entered into our world and entered into our suffering and got strung up on a cross, then our view of what it is to be human and live a human life will be very different. If He is our model, then we must not detach ourselves from the world. We must not try to make ourselves immune to the sufferings and pains, but (where those pains rightly impose themselves upon us) enter into them - there to live the life of Christ, as He entered into our world and there lived the life of God. The Incarnation gives us a vision of how to be human." (Cafe Theology by Michael Lloyd)

Ahhh!!! I love this! Those of you who know me, know how important the ability and space to dream is to me. To dream, in the very face of a different reality, was modeled by Jesus! To hope, to love, to believe for better, to be expectant of that hope to be some day fulfilled - all of this was modeled by the way Jesus lived His life on this earth. To bury desire, to quiet love, to dull hope, to stop dreaming, to silence expectation, is to deny everything we were designed to be by our Creator God who loves us!

C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal... avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken - it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

I think this can apply to our hopes, dreams, visions as well - the ones God has planted there as well as the ones that have always just been a part of us. We can keep ourselves from really giving our hearts to them but what happens then? Our hearts starve, numb, fall into a deep sleep that only the breath of the Spirit of Life can awaken us from.

How much better to risk the pain of disappointment, the frustration in the waiting, to be ALIVE?! Alive with hope, with expectation, desire.

I think of what Hebrews 12:2 says of Jesus - "who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross..."

Jesus gave us the ultimate example of keeping a dream and a hope in His heart throughout much waiting, disappointment, and pain. And He gave us the ultimate example of the Life and power that come out of that enduring the pain to see the dream into fulfillment.

What if the earth (bear with me here) gave up believing that spring would eventually come? (Those of us in Scotland can relate to that today as we gaze out our windows at the snow resting on the crocuses that have bravely blossomed in early March). If the spring flowers remained under ground, leaves and flowers refused to bud on the trees and shrubs, butterflies remained wound up tight in their cocoons, all afraid of the risk of disappointment, even though the spring sun is breaking through the clouds and warming the ground? So much beauty, joy, hope would be robbed from us as the earth remains colourless, barren, lifeless in a way.

So it is with us. If we open our hearts wide and allow expectations, desire, dreams, love, and hope to take form and shape there and live our lives from that place, we model to others how to be fully human the way God designed us to be, just as Jesus modeled it for us.

The Incarnation of Jesus has given us the space and ability to dream and hope, and even better, to dream and hope alongside Him!

So this Lent, let's open up to the Spirit of Jesus the areas of our hearts where we have maybe dulled, numbed, or even shut up tight. Let's ask Him to breathe His life and hope into us and teach us how to dream with Him again!

A Very Present Help...

2011-02-27T23:51:00.000Z

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble... God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns." Ps. 46:1 & 5
"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I, for You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever! Let my take refuge under the shelter of Your wings!" Ps. 61:1-4

There is a common theme in these two Psalms - they speak of the presence of God being a refuge rather than God coming in to save the day and removing the psalmist from his troubles (or removing his troubles from him).
Whenever I have read this line of God being "a very present help in time of trouble" I interpreted that as God coming in as Rescuer.
Due to some different "troubles" of my own lately and the lessons God has been gently whispering into my heart through them, I now perceive these Psalms very differently.
When we enter into seasons of life that are difficult, painful, tumultuous, lonely, scary, our immediate response is to cry out for God's intervention, for Him to separate us from or change whatever it is that is causing the pain or frustration. As we should. He is our Father and Jesus Himself urges us to simply ask. But often when nothing seemingly happens, we can feel almost betrayed and wonder, "Where are You, God?" In actuality, we're not asking where He is, we are asking why He hasn't done as we have asked. Somehow we equate His presence with His action on our behalf.

It's 04:30 in the morning and I am awoken by acute pain in my back. It's like every muscle around my spine is clamping down. Nothing helps. Finally I move to the sofa, find one position that makes the pain bearable and try to make myself relax so I can go back to sleep. But not before the tears come. And the cries of "Jesus, why?! Why don't You just touch me and heal this?! I know You can. You know I don't have the money to change my mattress or go to a chiropractor right now! Why don't You just do what I can't, what only You can?!"
This has been a nightly event and cry to God for a while now. But just today during worship I stopped wrestling with God over it. This is no different than a myriad of other things that have happened the past few months - from my mom's surgery back in November to someone hacking into my bank information and making some rather large purchases to feeling a major spiritual battle against my ability to hope and believe for things both in my personal life and for this city and nation.
I have wanted God to come in, intervene and do miracles in each of these areas, or "deliver" me from the hardship. But instead He has come into the the very midst of the situation right alongside me - "a very present Help in time of trouble." Just like Jesus coming to this earth as the perfect manifestation of the heart of the Father - a very present Help.
He has made His presence real to me and it has brought incredible, unexplainable peace, joy, comfort, and strength. And the result is that it has made me all the more hungry for His presence - "Let me dwell in Your tent forever!" And the result of that hunger for and time spent in His presence is I change more and more into His likeness and I have more to give others, even in the midst of struggles and battle.
Why should this area of physical pain be any different?
The stories and journeys of so many men and women of God who have gone before me - some long gone from this earth and some still running the race now - prove that sometimes there is something so big and so precious that God has for us, that it takes walking through fires and deserts and overwhelming waters and continuing to worship Him in the midst of them for us to come to a place that we are ready to correctly hold and wield those gifts He has waiting for us.
But what does He say about those fires and deserts and overwhelming waters? "I will be with you."
The God of the universe, our King and Creator, the One of no beginning and no end, the One who made the ultimate sacrifice, promises His constant, steady, unwavering presence!
I wonder how many times I have missed out on experiencing His presence in such a real, precious way because I was so focused on Him rescuing me out of my circumstances? Like Israel in the desert - more interested in eating food different from mana (they had food falling from the sky for them! And they complained?!) than in entering into God's presence. Or the disciples who were so focused on the day that they thought Jesus would ride into Rome on a white horse and end their oppression that they missed so much of what He was sharing with them, not fully realizing the preciousness of their time in His presence.
There is something so powerful and special when I experience His presence in the midst of storms or battle, when He becomes my Rock and my tower of strength. There is a joy I can not explain when in the midst of ache and tears, I pour out worship and praise. I can not say I like these hard seasons, but it is through such seasons that I have learned the reality of His faithfulness and what the psalmist frequently calls His "steadfast love." And it is through these seasons that I have learned and am learning still how to believe with everything within me that a day will come that He will guide me out of the desert into "green pastures" and yet persevere through the heat, darkness, and raging battle with hope in my heart and praise on my lips.
I do not share these trials for the sake of sympathy. I know amazing people in the midst of much harder situations than myself, such as the wife and children of a YWAMer recently murdered in Africa, who are still praising and glorifying God. But I share in hopes of identifying with at least a bit of the pain of others to make this revelation of the presence of God in the midst of it all a little more real.
There is a dream in my heart of seeing the words of Jesus in John 10:10 "I have come that you may have life, and life to the full" become a reality in people's lives. I am passionate about quality of life in every area of a person - spirit, soul, and body! I long for the day that as the people of God our mere shadows heal the lame and sick.
If this back pain is my "desert" to journey through, that one day I may have the character to carry the authority in seeing people enter into abundant life in every area, then I will walk this desert with praise of the One who never leaves my side and hope in my heart that one day (soon I pray) the desert will lead into lush green fields. I want to be like Mary Magdalene. Former prostitute, forgiven much, her entire life and restoration founded on the life of this man Jesus, who is now gone, in spite of all the promises he made. Yet still she worshiped, she praised, she adored, she called Him "my Lord." I think that, for Mary Magdalene, what mattered most to her was the person of Christ Himself, more than His miracles or His promises. And as a result of her faithful, loving worship, she was the first to meet and then share the unbelievable news of Christ's resurrection. Woman and former prostitute, true worshiper in heart, becomes the first "preacher of the gospel!"
Or there's Joshua. When the rest of Israel was distracted by memories of Egypt of fear of the unknown in front of them, Joshua was captivated by the presence of God and every chance he got spent time there, even after Moses had left it to go speak to the people. And eventually it was Joshua who was chosen by God to lead Israel into their Promise Land finally.
Father, give us the gift of grace to worship You, to desire and to seek out Your presence, whether we be in desert or vibrant green fields, fires or refreshing rains, overwhelming waters or beautiful mountain tops!
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

It's a New Day...

2011-01-14T10:19:00.001Z

So I know it's not Christmas anymore, yet something has stayed with me into this new year. And it is these words:
   " Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
   Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth.
   A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
    For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!"

I think so often we don't even realize just how hard we are striving and straining for a feeling of worth, to overcome our struggles with sin and besetting weaknesses, for some faint spark of hope and happiness, to keep up at least a measure of peace within our relationships and areas of influence, to have some sort of security in an unstable world.
One day we just suddenly feel very weary and it all feels so old. We wonder if there ever be a day that we don't have to fight for something, that at least something in our life will come without struggle. Everything dims and begins to lose its colour and spark, the beauty and signs of life that are still there our eyes somehow pass over.
There was a night long ago where the entire earth groaned deep within with such a weariness. And that weariness was met with a "thrill of hope" that could hardly be believed. You know that sort of "thrill of hope" where you are almost afraid to let your heart go there because what if it's just that? Just a "thrill of hope" and then it's gone, leaving you empty and disappointed once again?
But no, this "thrill of hope" was followed by the appearance of our Hope of glory, the only One who could break in upon the darkness with the promise of a "new and glorious morn!"
What joy the earth must have known that night!
But that joy was not just for that night. That "new and glorious morn" is not just a promise for when we leave this earth. That joy is just every bit for us today as it was that night so long ago. And that "new and glorious morn" is for us right now, on this earth!
I have felt weary as of late. Yet this old carol has been echoing what the Spirit has been gently whispering to my heart these past months. I believe that this year is truly going to be a "new" year. I believe we are going to see the redemption and restoration of our Saviour in our own lives and the lives of others as we have not yet experienced.
The phrase "It's a new day" keeps reverberating within me and I don't believe it is just for me.
So look up, set your eyes on the horizon. Embrace that "thrill of hope," do not be afraid of it disappointing. For this hope comes with substance, with something behind it, for it comes in the Person of Jesus Christ, the Hope of our glory, who has not just drawn near to us but who dwells within us!
The striving and straining can cease. For we have not been left alone, but have been given a Helper, a steadfast Companion who empowers and guides us. And He will guide us through the night and darkness into the dawn, and the glorious light of a new morn.
I admit that my emotions and feelings do not always line up with this hope, but through His Spirit I see this new and glorious morn breaking; and my heart and spirit are alive with the thrill and hope of it, of Him!

Waking Up...

2010-09-24T13:32:00.003+01:00

" Your presence is all I need,

It's all I want, it's all I seek

And without it, without it

There's no meaning...

Your presence is the air I breathe,

The song I sing, the love I need

And without it, without it,

I'm not living..."

God has taken me on a very specific journey as of late. You know the kind. One of those journeys where you set out in the middle of the night, all is dark and quiet, and you have no idea where He is leading you to, you can't even see the step directly in front of you, and you have nothing to guide you but once in a while you can catch the sound of His steady pace. You were so sleepy when you began the journey and just stumbled along behind Him in a half-dream state. But as you slowly awake you become more aware of His gentle breathing beside you. And that sound of His breath and His confident pace wrap you in warm assurance and peace and you can relax and enjoy the adventure and the mystery of being in the unknown with Him.

Then as day begins to dawn and you begin to make out shapes of trees, bushes, rocks, cliffs, you turn and look down into the valley He has lead you up from and the forest He has lead you through. And you realize that even had you been able to see, it would have done you no good. For this is a way you have not passed before, all is unfamiliar. And you are overwhelmed with emotions of gratitude for His flawless guidance, as well as a greater awareness than you have ever before had of your desperate need for and desire to always be lead by Him in such a way. You still aren't exactly sure where you are going but somehow it doesn't matter so much anymore. Who needs the road map, or to know exactly where you are going, as long as His presence is always there beside you, within you?!

I am a daughter of God and His presence dwells within me and that is enough - I need nothing more, nothing less.

This has been my journey thus far these past 2 months. Basically, God asked me if I would take the place He has for me here in Aberdeen no matter who else came and went, no matter what that would mean for me personally. I said yes and followed Him into the dark on an unknown path. The result has been a deeper cementing in my identity as simply a daughter of God. And finding joy and boldness, freedom and contentment in that identity with no need of titles, positions, roles, or job descriptions that will satisfy those who are not familiar with the ways of the kingdom and the God who does not do things the way we think He should.

The more precious result has been an awakening to the Spirit within me, to the mighty Triune God dwelling within me, to Christ in me, the Hope of my glory!

As I have fallen more in love with this nation and this city and the men, women and children who dwell here, I have become so aware that it is nothing born of me that will give them the life they are gasping for.

Only what is born of the Spirit holds life, and life to the full, brings freedom, freedom indeed.

Vision from my own mind is useless and will not build anything lasting; but vision born out of the breath of God breathed into me and then birthed out from me will form and shape something that will have eternal fruit.

As Bill Johnson said recently, whatever I am most aware of is what I will live from and what I will communicate to those around me. I do not want to be more aware of what the enemy is doing than what God is doing. I do not want to be more aware of my circumstances than I am of what God is saying in the midst of them. I want to live from that place of being not just aware of, but awakened to the Spirit, the life-giving breath of God dwelling within me. All that I need for life and righteousness, dwelling within me. Jesus Christ, the perfect representation of the Father, dwelling within me. The beautiful Holy Spirit, the power who raised Christ from the dead, dwelling within me!

I want to live from this revelation, to be fully awake to this amazing Truth!

Because you see, there is something moving in Scotland. Others may look at Scotland, at Aberdeen and see hopelessness, hard ground, granite walls, dying people, dreams that are nothing but dust, foundations rich with stories of when God was on the move here that are now so deeply buried they will be impossible to unearth.

But I see signs of life, signs of spring, signs of winter's cold thawing, I see bones coming together, I see the breath of God rising up within His people soon to be released into those dry bones.

Maybe I have read The Chronicles of Narnia one too many times.

But I see a Lion. He's here, and He's on the move. Not many have seen Him yet, but many are seeing the signs of His movement. He has called and is calling His kids in to take their places. Soon the whole land will hear His roar and the ground will shake and the spell that this nation has been under will be broken. But I want to be awake to Him now; I want to hear the soft, steady padding of His paws across the land and His quiet breath awaking the sleeping; I want to be in step with Him and ready before He roars.

It's funny, the season we're going into is a season where nature goes into hibernation, into a deep sleep. Yet I feel that the Spirit of God is awakening His people right now, even those of us who thought we were awake. He is calling us into a greater waking, a greater awareness of His presence within us, and living every moment out of this place - and this is life to the full.

He's the Hero of My Story....

2010-07-31T17:59:00.062+01:00

   "...when I found Him whom my soul loves.
   I held Him and would not let Him go..."

In just one week, it will have been a year since I boarded that plane, visa triumphantly in hand, to make my new home in this beautiful land I love known as Scotland.

I am not the girl I was then. But not thanks to me. It is all because of His grace, His mercy, His discipline, His gentle teaching, His pursuit, His holiness, His Love.

Life is ever changing. Changes seem to be never ending in my life, especially these past two years. Just when I think I know where the path I am on is leading, it takes a sudden, unexpected turn. Or I lose sight of it altogether for a while.
And as I find myself once again in the midst of much change, I keenly feel my desperate, complete dependance upon my God.
I was reflecting this past week at the transformations that have taken place within my heart. I have never been so aware of my weaknesses and the dark, low places I am capable of slipping into if I lose sight of my Lord for even a moment! And yet, I also have never been so aware of and confident in my identity as a daughter, warrior, and bride of the Most High and the role He has designed from the creation of the world on for me to step into.

I have experienced what can happen and who I become when I momentarily lose sight of God. And the cry of my heart right now, as I prepare to walk into all He has for me here in Aberdeen, is the words from the Song of Songs that are above.
I have this picture in my head when I read this verse. I see this young woman, in the darkest of dark nights, on deserted, sinister streets, in the strong, protective arms of a Man whose face I can not see. Because to look upon His face would be to look upon my last day here on this earth; for the beauty and the holiness, the intense light and love in His eyes are greater than my human body can ever contain.
She is clinging to Him with all the strength she has left, her arms wrapped tightly about His neck, tears of revelation, brokenness and repentance mingled with smiles and laughter on her beautiful face. Her laughter is the laughter of one who has recognized what she has taken for granted and thought was lost, only to find it again. The laughter of one who knows she is seen and loved for all that she is; who has stood on the brink of and seen a great danger that her own folly and those who would do her harm had brought her to, to be swept up out of the midst of the blindness and darkness into the very arms she is resting in now.

It's a beautiful picture.
And it is in those arms I want to remain in, to never wander from, for it is there and there only that I will have the strength to do what I have been called to do.

I have been reading much in the Bible as of late about the Rescuer our God is. And the driving passion behind this rescuing is always His love.
I am amazed at how He never stops pursuing, no matter how often He is forgotten, spurned, rejected, rebelled against, His heart and intentions are misunderstood and misjudged. How does His heart do it? Yet He keeps on wooing, loving, calling, running after, and ultimately - Rescuing.

   "My people are bent on turning away from Me... How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel...? My compassion grows warm and tender." Hosea 11 "
" And I will punish her for... when she went after her lovers and forgot Me, declares the Lord. Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2

As I stand here in the midst of change, uncertainty, unknown, I feel I can look towards the future and laugh. Because if my God loves me enough to save me and rescue me from my folly and blindness, will He not even more rescue me in the midst of events and situations that are out my hands?
The Psalms of David are filled with praises of the God who rescues, who saves, who answers the cries of those who love Him.

   " ...for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy. My souls clings to You, Your right hand upholds me." Ps. 63
   " He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me on the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He brought me into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me." Ps. 18
"God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns." Ps. 46

The lyrics below are from a song Ben Johnson sings at Bethel Church and it speaks beautifully what my heart wants to express about the strong, rescuing love of God!

"His love is deep, His love is wide, and it covers us
His love is fierce, His love is strong, it is furious
His love is sweet, His love is wild, and it's waking us to life
His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me
And on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
I never, ever have to be afraid
Because one thing remains, this one thing remains..."

Another song that expresses it well is by a great UK band Mumford & Sons:
"Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you
It will set you free, be more like the man your were made to be
There is a design, an alignment to cry, at my heart you see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be..."

I don't know how He does it, how He keeps on doing it.
His heart is so strong, so beautiful, so perfect and He is and always will be Rescuer, Savior, Redeemer. And He is worhty of His rescuing being sung out to the entire world!
May my life forever be a testimony and song of His love, might, and redemption!

All of life is a story, a story being written by God. He's been writing it from Creation on.
Each one of our lives is a story He is writing as well, and He somehow interweaves our individual stories in with the big Story; but one character is always the same in every story - Him. He is always the Hero.

He is the Hero in your story...
He is the Hero of my story.

What the Weeds Have Taught Me...

2010-07-04T20:45:00.000+01:00

I am much browner (not to mention redder) than I was 3 days ago. And I pray, a little wiser, a little freer.
I have been weeding a pathway and a little garden area.
It has been refreshing work. You might think I'm crazy, and I do admit it's hard work and can become tedious. But God has met me there in the quiet, long hours and I have felt such joy and peace just being with Him in His beautiful creation.
And in those hours, He has used those blasted weeds to teach me some things about my heart. :)

Like most of you I'm sure, I have heard sermons preached about "the weeds of bitterness" and so forth and have heard the encouragements to not allow bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, etc to "take root" in my heart.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes a weed looks so small and weak yet when you try to pull it up it won't budge?
There's a tool I used for much of my weeding. Not a nice looking bit of iron but it on one side it had a flat blade good for digging and on the other side two thick spikes for the purpose of getting underneath roots and pulling the weed up rather forcefully. If I were a weed and saw that thing coming my way I would immediately surrender to being pulled up by hand!
And it struck me that God often has to use a similar tool on me. Weeds spring up in my heart, like fear, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, cynicism; and if I allow them to stay there too long they quickly spread out their roots, going deep and wide.
Have you ever really looked at the root systems of weeds? All are slightly different but all are the same - leave them too long and they get deeper and more spread out. And if you don't go for the root, but take away just what can be seen on the surface, it quickly grows back.
On the surface, weeds mar beauty and eventually cover up and hide the original design and intention of a garden, a pathway; underneath, where they can't be seen, they choke the life out of all that is beautiful and supposed to be there.
Yes, I am no longer talking about literal weeds. Well, I am - but, do you see the parallel?
So God has no choice but to pick up that little tool and go deep. He knows it's going to hurt as all the little roots rip and tear away from the soil of my heart, leaving everything turned up. But He loves the work of art He is creating within me, and the beauty and glory of that is precious to Him and He will not allow it to be marred and eventually choked to death!

Sometimes there was a weed that was almost pretty with little pink blossoms and I was tempted to leave it. After all, what could a couple of weeds hurt? Especially if they're pretty anyway. Until I looked closer and realized many of the tiny weeds that had no blossoms and were everywhere, taking over, were the product of this "pretty weed!"
And I wondered how often I was lured into allowing a weed in my heart to stay because on the surface it appeared harmless enough, even attractive.
How thankful I am that my King and Saviour is a much wiser, more loving and faithful Gardner than I !

And then there were some what I thought to be weeds but actually were true plants. And I thought how many times I look at another and judge something I see in their lives as a weed just because it's not attractive to me, or I see no blossoms or fruit yet. But the Ultimate Gardner knows what He planted and what conditions it needs to grow and blossom. I need to be much slower at weeding the gardens of others and focus on tending my own!

What a difference it made weeding the day after a night of refreshing, soaking rain! Weeds that before would have required my little tool hacking at the hard, dry ground were coming up easily and smoothly with one firm tug.
And then I remembered that God often speaks of His Word being refreshing, comparing it to water.
The weeds in my heart would have no hope against God's firm, little tugs if the soil of my heart were being consistently watered with His Word. There were be little to no need for the painful tool ripping and tearing, but they would be removed readily and easily.
And my spirit again stirred with love and appreciation for the gift God has given us in His Words of life, and a renewed determination to soak my heart's soil in it!

This was all learned while weeding the pathway.
My next project was this little set apart area, surrounded by trees and shrubs, where a bench sat in the shade looking out over the lake and the mountains beyond. The potential for this area to be a secluded place of rest and peace was incredible but the thick covering of weeds made it feel abandoned and chaotic.
I attacked with ferocity. I knew the only way I would have the heart to continue the overwhelming project was to go at it hard and fast. My new friend Stephanie eventually joined me and together we uncovered a little plaque honouring the woman who donated this property to YWAM and some lovely plants. Then in the little garden in the midst of massive weeds and twisting, vicious blackberry vines we discovered lovely yellow roses!
I don't know how true this is but I have always been told that yellow roses symbolize hope. This is the meaning they have always held for me so uncovering them here in the midst of weeds trying to choke the very life out of them was very special.

The cry of my heart as of late has been for God's restoration of His garden within me, to bring beauty out of what has been choked out by weeds or trampled on by the harshness of life. To bring beauty out of the bare soil as only He can. And then to do the same in so many other lives, in the city of Aberdeen, in the nation of Scotland, the continent of Europe.
A friend recently introduced this song to me that echoes these cries and I have not been able to get it out my head and heart. And as I looked at this little garden covered in weeds with such beautiful potential I thought of the song.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

In the midst of chaos, weeds, and thorns, God sees and gently, lovingly uncovers the beauty, setting it free to grow and blossom and flourish. It is never lost to Him, never hidden, never hopeless.
The journey to this freedom is at times painful but destination is nothing but glorious.
At Jesus' first appearance after His resurrection He was mistaken for a gardner! Haha! But how fitting. For that is who our Saviour is: Restorer, Life-giver, Beautifier, and the Hope of our glory!

* song is "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

Recent Journeys of the Heart

2010-02-11T15:46:00.003Z

I have been pondering a lot recently, "Just who is this God we claim to know? This God we follow, worship, pray to, sing about, give up home and leave behind familiarity for, TRUST?"

As I have pondered and prayed, sought and knocked, I feel like, in many ways, I just have more questions.

But I have made some discoveries too. Or maybe really, in His mercy, God graced me with some revelations to my heart. :)

Theology rarely brings revelation to me; rather it seems to come when I am reading a fairy tale, walking through the woods, watching the waves of the sea crash and roll or the changing colors of the sky, reading the personal stories of those who have gone before in receiving a particular revelation, through Scripture, and in the still silence that comes after a storm of tears.

Here are some discoveries I have made recently, or maybe I should say, "am making."

He is Companion. I have always believed God cared about what I was going through yet was still distant in a way, getting rather impatient for me to pull myself together and get on with it. Not only is He not distant but is right there beside me through every tear, every hurt, every emotion of anger and disillusionment, the confusion and questions of why. Not only is He beside me, but His heart hurts with mine as well. Because if anyone knows that this is not how life was meant to be, He does! And yes, He does want me to "get on with it," but not in the sense that I just try to ignore the pain or harden my heart so I can be about "ministry." He wants me to persevere through the pain, the tough times, the scary times because something beautiful happens in me during that perseverance and life is still worth living, there are still dreams to dream, hopes to hope with Him.

There is a part in The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis where the little boy Digory comes before the great lion king Aslan, his heart heavy with the painful knowledge that his mother is back home dying and right when it seems he has discovered something to make her better, Aslan has asked him to do something instead for land of Narnia. He seems to have not even heard Digory's request for his mother:

"He thought of his mother and he thought of the great hopes he had, and how they were all dying away, and a lump came in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he blurted out,'But please, please won't you - can't you give me something that will cure mother?' Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in despair, he looked up at its face.

What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt a if the Lion must really be sorrier about his mother than he was himself."

May God grant us each the strength to lift our heads to look into His face - there is such love there!

God is a Redeemer, a Restorer.

I do not understand why some prayers are answered and miracles happen and then other times prayers go unanswered and the lack of miracles results in loss and pain. Yet I do know that God delights in redeeming and restoring whatever has been lost, stolen, even given away in a moment of our own blindness or selfishness.

I have watched God answer prayers and work amazing miracles in the lives of some very close friends recently, and I have watched the pain of loss in some other friends who didn't see the miracles happen.

I am convinced that in the lives of both, redemption and restoration will be made manifest. For that is our God, that is who He is. From the Fall until the Resurrection of Jesus, God makes His passion for redemption and restoration known.

And I am realizing in my own life, the greatest restoration is the ability to dream again, to hope again, and the foundation of that hope is now Jesus Christ Himself, not circumstances.

I have a new hero, or heroine I should say. Her name is Mary Magdalene. Most people think of when she washed Jesus' feet, drying them with her hair and anointing them with expensive perfume at the ridicule of many, even some of the disciples.

But when I think of her now, I think of the person who was privileged with being the first to see Jesus after His resurrection. Why? When everyone else was sleeping, hiding, weeping in their shame of their betrayal, she was still worshiping her Lord. She was one of the last few at the foot of Jesus' cross, she followed when they took Him down and put Him in the tomb, and she had gone to buy spices to anoint His body the morning He rose.

Have you ever thought what the disciples went through at the death of Jesus? He had caused them to hope, to believe, to dream like they never had before. He had made so many promises, promises that could not be kept apart from Him being alive. Or so they thought. Every hope, every dream lay dead in the tomb with Jesus. And on top of that, some of them had run into hiding at the time He needed their friendship most - the guilt and shame must have been oppressive.

If anyone had everything to lose and reason to give up all hope it was Mary Magdalene. Jesus had restored her life, her reputation. Before Jesus, she hadn't been a good woman, possibly even a prostitute. Jesus turned her world upside down. But now, who would remember Jesus had made her life new? Wouldn't people see her as the old Mary Magdalene again?

Yet in spite of all this, she still called Jesus her "Lord," she still worshiped, she was still pouring herself out on Him.

And because of her perseverance and love, she was the first to see our Saviour risen from the dead, the first to declare the incredible news that death had been conquered by Jesus Christ! Her past and the fact that she was a woman didn't matter; her love did!

I want to be like Mary Magdalene - I want to see Jesus. I want to persevere and keep loving and worshiping and then get to see Him who has brought new life to me!

There is still so much about my God that I don't know, I don't understand, yet I know, in time, I will.

For now, my heart knows this, to quote Mr. Beaver in The LIon the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, "He's not a tame Lion, but He's good."

PS - I would just like to say that in this recent journey of the heart, I am so thankful for 4 men in particular who have gone before me on this same journey: St. John of the Cross, C.S. Lewis, Brad Stanley of YWAM Chicago, and Pete Greig of 24-7 Prayer.

Hogmanay Night Outreach & Prayer

2010-01-18T17:50:00.008Z

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,

we wait for you; your name and renown

are the desire of our hearts.

My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.

When your judgments come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness.

Isaiah 26:8,9

This was the verse that first birthed in my heart a vision to see God's name and glory manifested on the city streets of Aberdeen this Hogmanay night - a night where normally the clubs and bars are flooded with people doing all the things that us humans do to try to fill the emptiness and cover up the pain within us.

Due to the weather, Aberdeen's city streets were much quieter than anticipated. But we still believe God's name and renown filled the city centre and was heard and seen by those who did brave the cold and snow to ring in the New Year in the clubs and bars. We also believe our prayers made a statement in the spiritual realm that this year would be a different year in our city! And most importantly, I know we blessed God's heart.

We had a good many issues with the bus we were planning on using to serve the free teas and coffees from, including it being broken into and many valuable items used for its usual youth ministry taken. In the end, some messed up fuses prevented our use of it.

But we had an incredible team of servant-hearted, flexible people who promptly went into action setting up the teas and coffees outside right on Union Street (Aberdeen's main street) in front of the church we were also praying in throughout the night.

They stood out in the snow for hours blessing frozen and in many cases, drunk Hogmanay celebrators with smiles, cheery greetings, free hot beverages and prayer for those who wanted it!

A couple of people persevered through the snow and walked the streets, praying over the city, over specific clubs and "trouble spots," and our Street Pastors.

Meanwhile, another team of people stood, sat, paced, worshiped, danced, bowed in prayer and intercession inside the church. We wrote our prayers on big sheets of paper on the wall, declaring God's truth, glory, will, dreams, purposes, and love to be established and made known in our city, as well as through the tea/coffee servers and the Street Pastors who were out walking the streets, bringing the love and peace of God in practical ways.

Just to explain, the Street Pastors are a team from young to old who have received some training and then spend their Friday and Saturday nights on the streets caring for people through a variety of ways. They break up fights, help drunk and often vulnerable youth get safely home, hand out free flip-flops to girls who are walking barefoot down the broken glass-strewn pavement at 2:00 in the morning because their feet hurt from their high-heeled shoes, and just conversing with people who need a listening ear and offering prayer and counsel where accepted. They have gained the trust and respect of our police force, the City Council, and even many of the local youth. And they have recently been recognized as having played a key role in the lessening of violence on Aberdeen's streets this past year.

It was such an honour and blessing to partner in prayer with and encourage this amazing group of people!

We kicked the night off by the prayer team, the tea/coffee servers, and the Street Pastors all coming together for a time of worship and then we all gathered round the Street Pastors, sending them out into the streets in the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

It was a great night of partnership. Prayer warriors, servants, and Street Pastors coming together for one common purpose; Scots, Irish, South Africans, Americans, Swedes, Polish, English and Lithuanians all coming together for one common purpose; members of many different denominations coming together for one common purpose - for the dreams and purposes of God to be fulfilled in the city and in the lives of individuals and His love and glory made known.

We served about 300 teas and coffees, loved on and prayed with quite a few people, met with God, and encouraged one another. I look forward to more times like this!

Below are some specific testimonies from a couple of people involved:

"On the first shift of the tea and coffee stall quite a few folk came up for coffee and chat, but 2 in particular stand out.

The first was a guy in a yellow jacket who was part of the events organising team and he and several other men had come up from Glasgow to ensure crowd safety at the fireworks and were being bussed back to Glasgow again a few hours later. He had some coffee and we got chatting. It turned out he used to go to a church in Paisley for 10 years but somehow dropped out of the loop and hadn't been for along time but wanted to get back to God and back in fellowship...so we prayed together, so over to God!

The second was a young slightly tiddly Aberdonian who was out of a job and was staying in a friend's flat. he wanted a new start ...so we prayed and asked God to help. His pal, who was watching, said 'can I have some (prayer) too?' ...so there is definitely an openness, if we get out there." - one of our prayer and coffee servers -

" Being inside on the prayer team, I did not experience the cold the 'outsiders' did, but did feel very much a part of what was going on outside...Thank you to everyone who was active that night - I do feel that all of us made some sort of difference. Hopefully this was the first of such nights!! Though we were writing down various things as we felt God laid on us on paper tacked on the wall, maybe [one thing] stands out a bit more... the words 'restoration' and 'restoring of hope.'" - one of the prayer team members -

I am believing that this will be a "year of restoration and of hope" in Aberdeen, in Scotland, and in my own life as I again echo the verses that kept coming to us Hogmanay night as we welcomed our King into our city this new year of 2010:

"Lift up your heads, O gates!

And be lifted up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The Lord, strong and mighty

the Lord, mighty in battle!

Lift up your heads, O gates!

And lift them up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of Glory?

The Lord of hosts,

He is the King of glory!

Selah"

Life in Scotland...

2009-09-07T13:58:00.000+01:00

I have been in Scotland one month now! Wow! When I look back over the past several months of my life, I can see God's loving preparation for this specific season He has brought me into. To be honest, the transition has not been that easy. It takes time when you come into a new place, especially a new culture, to build relationships, gain people's trust, establish a daily rhythm, figure out some sort of schedule for yourself, to begin to feel settled and like this really is home. It especially takes time when you are pioneering something and your team/community is small! If your value lies in what you "do" and the "role" or "position" you hold, then this type of situation is perfect for quickly confronting and dealing with that. And if you think your value doesn't lie in what you "do," but it really does, then this kind of situation will very quickly expose the truth! God has me in a place right now where the majority of my time is not spent "doing" ministry, but simply "being" with Him, listening to Him, letting Him show me things in the city and the culture, helping me learn my new surroundings, both spiritually and geographically. I am being forced to find my value and identity in Him and Him alone rather than in my "usefulness." This has been a much harder lesson to learn than I expected it to be, but oh so good! This process He is walking me through at the moment is uprooting many lies I have unconsciously believed and lived out of. Interestingly enough, many of those lies are the same ones that hold this nation of Scotland and especially Aberdeen captive! I believe that as I find greater freedom and fullness of life through God's grace, I will have a greater authority to pray and speak into those lies in this city! It never ceases to amaze me how God's story for our individual lives always ties in with His bigger story if we let Him guide us and teach us! As the pace here picks up, I will share updates as to what God is doing and speaking through us as YWAM Aberdeen and 24-7 Prayer. In the meantime, here are some prayer points you may join in on with us: Housing: - my personal housing. I am presently living with a great family but it would be ideal if I could have another place by the Christmas holidays so that their rooms are freed up for their family. I feel I am to be in the town centre and as close to the building we feel is our future 24-7 Prayer Room, and I greatly desire a place that feels like my own, feels homey, and where I can show hospitality to the youth, to university students, etc. - YWAM housing/office space - We definitely need office space as soon as possible! And the more we pray about it, the more we feel we need to be asking God and searching out housing for future staff and DTS students. We know God wants us in the town centre, so we need a good, old-fashioned YWAM miracle! Both my personal and the YWAM housing needs to be not only in the town centre but strategically placed because of the things God has been speaking to us. Therefore, it must be at His leading, not just what seems practical. Staff : We really feel like it's time for YWAM Aberdeen's team to enlarge greatly! Please pray for God to bring in the right people in His perfect timing and if there are specific people we are to invite, He would show us. 24-7 Prayer : - We know where the prayer room is to be permanently but right now the building is a pub and nightclub. Please pray with us for a miracle, for favor, for God to show us the steps to take in His timing. And in the meantime, show us where to hold 24-7 prayer weeks and such. - We have been feeling to walk the streets of the town centre and pray at least once a week during the day, and then at night on the weekends. Please pray for God's guidance and protection, and that the Holy Spirit would pray His prayers through us. Personal finances : - I must see a substantial rise in my monthly support as the cost of living here is quite high and as an American because of the currency exchange rate, everything is almost double the price for me. I am getting by but if I am to have my own flat, I will need much more. I believe that God directed me here and that He wants to give me a home to be a place of sanctuary, peace, and hospitality so join me in prayer for His provision! Euro Gathering/Springboard Oct. 1-7 : Theo and I will be attending the 24-7 Prayer yearly Euro Gathering in Amsterdam in October. For 3 days people will gather from all over Europe who are a part of 24-7 Prayer in some way to worship, pray, intercede, share, encourage, challenge, inspire, learn, and hang out together. Then for 4 days after that, our Springboard class will come together for some re-connecting, sharing, and learning once again. Please pray for God to speak to us during this time, for encouragement, revelation, fresh vision; as well as for financial provision for the trip. Well, this was a rather short update, but I will be posting another soon! Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your prayers! Feel free to comment any time!

4 1/2 Weeks Left!!!

2009-02-19T20:36:00.000Z

It's hard to believe I'm just over half way through my Springboard course here in England. In just 4 1/2 weeks I will be on a bus headed for Scotland! My mind and my spirit are full with the teachings of the past 6 weeks. Even so, I have found myself just lately leaning heavily on these verses, given to me by a wonderful man I like to call my boyfriend. 1 Cor. 1:17 - 2:14 - "...For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong..." ; "And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God." These past few weeks we have been learning much about organic church, church planting, community, cross-cultural ministry, the history of the church and of mission, leadership, living life in rhythm, making prayer the heart and center of it all, and important statistics on missions all across the world, but most especially Europe. We have had group discussions as well as one-on-one discussions to help us each apply these things to our specific locations where we are headed. My mind feels as if it were on overload most of the time yet most every session stirs and excites me for Aberdeen and what God wants to do there. Ideas and small bits of vision have been forming in my heart and God has been faithfully confirming again and again that I am on the right path and He is the One leading me to Aberdeen. We had the biggest snow England has seen in something like 20 years 2 weeks ago! It was so beautiful! It transformed the bare trees and dreary winter landscape into a fairyland! The best part was walking into the town centre through 10 inches of snow and every person I would pass would smile broadly and say "good morning!" Quite unusual in a culture where no one looks at one another as they pass on the street, much less greet one another verbally! Snowmen were appearing everywhere, dads were out playing with their kids instead of going to work, school boys in their uniforms were throwing snowballs at one another and anyone who looked like they might enjoy joining in on the fight! Cars were continuously getting stuck and perfect strangers would come together to give each other a push, laughing and joking the whole while. I think my favorite thing about the day was that, for just a little while, the system was messed up. Like my friend said, "For a day, 'the Game' was stopped." In a place where materialism and productivity seem to reign supreme, everything was closed down except the cafes and pubs, places of conversation and relationship. Where cars were normally zooming by, impatient to be on their way to their place of productivity, people strolled along in the undisturbed snow. No one was looking before crossing the street, business suits were traded for snow suits, cars were traded for anything that could possibly slide down a snowy hill, running errands was traded for relaxed conversation in a cafe, impatience and stress were traded for peace, solemn expressions of just going through the motions of another Monday morning were traded for laughter and friendly exchanges. Rules were broken and no one cared. The neat little systems created by humans to best cope with the day to day were completely overturned. It was a great day! Well, I hope you've all enjoyed this little update. I am quite excited for what's ahead. I admit I'm still nervous here and there and there are still what seem to be obstacles, such as the need for finances and favor with my visa, but I am leaning on the strength of my Father. It is in my weakness and seemingly impossible circumstances that He can best show who He really is. So I look forward to watching how He clears the path for me as we take this journey into Scotland together!

The Adventure Begins!

2009-01-18T12:09:00.000Z

Saturday, January 10th found me landed in very chilly, but beautiful England! On Sunday, I would begin the 10 weeks of pioneering training with 24-7 Prayer called Springboard. After spending the last 2 months preparing for this, it has seemed surreal that I'm actually finally here. It has been very much by the grace and strength of God that I have made it here this far! I am staying with a couple who have done all they can to make me feel at home and the wonderful home-cooked meals have been such a blessing! I have a lovely room all to myself in the "loft," where I have a cozy bed, a couch, and a desk at a window which overlooks part of the neighborhood and out into the hills. It can be quite a view when the sun is setting or the hills are shrouded in mist! I feel quite blessed and cared for by my heavenly Father Who knows the little things that my heart delights in. This past week, all of us "Springboarders" headed out to the countryside for a sort of retreat. It was quite fun and a great way for us to quickly get to know one another. Let me introduce you to my new friends: There are Phil & Anna from here who are headed to Macedonia, along with my dear friends Scot & Misty. Then there are Eric & Katie, Americans from Iceland. James from England, Ella from Finland, and Mexico bound Adri from South Africa. Quite the cultural mixture and I'm loving it! We learned quite a lot this week about ourselves, strengths and weaknesses, and how to identify the roots of the weaknesses so that we can become more of who God intended us to be, thereby being able to free others to become who they were intended to be. We learned and discussed about different global issues and how we are to respond to them as children of God. We discussed our fears, pain, and struggles in leaving one community and culture for a completely different culture and hopefully a community. We also learned along with that how to accept and walk through the pain and struggle with God's grace and perspective. We figured out what our individual learning styles so that we can learn more effectively throughout the rest of the course, as well as be better teachers in the future. We met together every morning for prayer and a short devotional, ate every delicious meal together, went on an outdoor scavenger hunt, played games, had a karaoke night, played games on the beach together, and had several creative expression sessions. It was a fun week, setting an excellent foundation for the rest of the 9 weeks. I am quite excited to continue to learn with and from others who carry the same heart I do and are also in a season of great transition. And I am looking forward to, at the end of these 9 weeks, having some sort of clearer framework for what God is calling me to in Aberdeen. Tomorrow begins our normal week of training sessions and my heart is filled with excited expectancy!

Life in the past 4 months!

2008-08-15T21:06:00.000+01:00

I am sitting in our Prayer Room here at YWAM Tyler Twin Oaks Ranch as I write. It is raining steadily outside, as it has been for several days now, which is quite unusual for East Texas in the middle of August. But the ground is responding to the refreshing rains with beautiful, vibrant greens and the air is cool and enjoyable. I feel as I look around this room that what the rain has been doing for the land, God's Spirit is doing for the people around me. Several students are studying the Word or their books but there is a rest and a peace about them that is rarely seen on the face of a student! A staff member worships in the corner, her response to God meeting with her one of renewed joy and peace. And this is what much of my life has been about the past three years. Creating a dwelling place for the Spirit of God, a place where the members of this community can come and meet with the King they serve, hear what is on His heart, receive His love for them, and be renewed within His presence. I believe that the key to us as God's Church seeing revival sweep the nations is prayer. If it it is "not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit," then we need to be living in His Spirit, listening to His Spirit, letting His Spirit rule and reign in our lives, pouring out from within us. So that is why I have spent so much of myself on this little Prayer Room, on this concept of 24-7 prayer : to see revival sweep the nations, because "worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive the due and just reward of His suffering!" And that has become even much of the focus of the outreaches I have lead and am about to lead lately. April & May Our DTS spent 2 weeks in Washington, DC with our YWAM team and Justice House of Prayer there. The students had the incredible opportunity to see with their own eyes much of this nation's founding history. But the majority of our time was spent in the Prayer Room, all together and in Night Watch teams, crying out to God on behalf of this nation. Then Tanya and I lead 11 students on a crazy outreach/pilgrimage throughout 4 Central/East European nations! We began in Herrnhut, Germany, the sight of 100 years of unbroken 24-7 prayer by a community known as the Moravians. It seemed the perfect starting point, since our outreach was to be largely intercession focused. We had no idea just how perfect it really was! Here, I must give a quick history lesson for the rest of the story to make sense. Not that long after St. Paul's days, the church he helped to establish in Thessolonikki received a plea for help from a prince in what is now considered the Czech Republic and Slovakia. He wanted teachers, disciplers for his people. The Roman ruled church at that time would not allow the common man to read the Scriptures for himself nor would they allow the Scriptures to be translated into any other language than Latin, which the common man could not read. So the Thessolonian Church sent two young men to teach the people of the Czech/Slovakia - their names were Cyril and Methodius. As the people began to learn the Scriptures for themselves and experienced freedom in their worship, they began to value that freedom more than their own lives. They stood and fought long for their freedom, but to no avail. A small band of refugees fled the bloodstrewn land of the Czech into Eastern Germany, where a young Christian German count gave them refuge on his estate. This ragtag refugee group became known as the Moravians. While in Herrnhut, we took several trips into some Czech border towns. Our new German friends took us and we joined them in laying a foundation of prayer, seeing firsthand the lasting effects of Communism. These border towns have become the target of much sex trafficking because the poverty of these villages has caused the people to provide services to those from wealthier towns and neighboring nations that appeal to people's addictions and lusts. My good friends Scot and Misty with 24-7 Prayer Europe and their two children Mimi and Evan joined us at this point and then lead us deeper in to the Czech. God soon made it apparent that we were on a very clear path and He really was the One leading the outreach. We found ourselves on the path of Cyril and Methodius! Everywhere we went it seemed they had taught there at one time. From the Czech, we went to Budapest, Hungary then to Banska Bystrica and Bratislava, Slovakia. As we drove and prayed throughout these nations, we also served two couples and their amazing vision in the Czech by doing several days worth of hard labor on an ancient farm; we fed homeless, talked with the broken and hurting, and teamed up with other YWAMers in Budapest; we ministered to a small congregation alongside YWAM leaders in Banska Bystrica; and prayed and served however we could alongside a YWAMer/24-7 Prayer coordinator in Bratislava. We camped, hiked, walked, pilgrimaged, learned much ancient church history, loved on people, played, rested, and worshiped across 4 nations in one month! It was incredible and amazing! Every one of our students had been impacted in some way and several desire to return and do more ministry in this region again. I myself left transformed, with a heart filled with love for those four nations and a desire to return some day as well. SST's... I co-lead the second SST of the summer in July, two weeks with 74 teenagers! SST's is a summer missions training program for teens, one week here then a week in Mexico. It was a hard school and I learned quite a bit about leadership and tough love. But I am so thankful for the experience! It was invaluable and I watched not only students transform, but our young staff went from being people who love Jesus and have a heart for youth to warriors who were willing to lay their lives down to see the Lamb receive His just reward of intimate relationship with His children! It was exciting to see and reminded me of why I love this generation and so believe in them! School of Evangelism and... Outreach! I am staffing the School of Evangelism ( SOE ), in which we have 10 students. It has been so good to see even more clearly how much each one changed and grew during their DTS and how now they are really running after God's heart. There have been challenges but God is fighting for them and their undivided devotion and has been so present with us staff! He is such a good Father who delights in bringing us into greater healing and wholeness and freedom even while pushing us into pouring ourselves out for others. October 9th I, along with my leader Ken, his son Josiah, and my friend Sarah, will lead 8 students on their outreach to Aberdeen, Scotland! I am quite excited, as I love this nation so much - the land and the people! On top of that, we will be working alongside my old friends Ian and Deborah, who I met during my School of Intercession in Scotland in 2005. Our focuses are 1) the unchurched and unsaved and 2) Prayer ( surprise, surprise ). We will spend the entire month ( aside from some sight-seeing of course ) in Aberdeen, where we will serve the poor, talk with troubled youth, build relationships with the unchurched out on the streets, and help set up, facilitate, and take part in a 24-7 prayer week. We will return around November 11th. What's next... God has been speaking release to me lately, that it is time for me to take the first step towards doing what has burned inside my heart for so long. Most anyone who knows me at all, knows that I have a heart for Europe and the UK and have felt drawn, almost pulled there, for years! So September 11th I will board a plane for Southampton, England where I will take part in the 24-7 Prayer International Gathering, which is three days long. Then I hope to possibly spend about a week longer in England, meeting with some of the 24-7 Prayer leaders, sharing my heart, praying, and gaining any wisdom, insight, ideas they may have to offer. Then I will return to Texas to finish outreach preparations. This is all I really know for now. As God informs of me of more, I will inform you! :) Please be praying for me, as this is the biggest step of faith I have ever taken in my life! Especially in the area of finances. I need money for two trips and a new Mac laptop as mine finally gave out back in March. But I know these are things He is leading me into so I know His provision will be there as well as His guidance!